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Author Topic: It's been a trying day... Need some laughs
DaxAriel's toy
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Member # 740

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posted July 15, 2004 08:48 PM      Profile for DaxAriel's toy         
HEAVEN KNOWS
A man and his dog were walking along a road.

The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble.

At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it, he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother of pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"

"This is heaven, sir," the man answered.

"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" The man asked.

"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up." The man gestured, and the gate began to open.

"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" The traveler asked.

"I'm sorry; sir, but we don't accept pets."

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road which led through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.

"Excuse me!" He called to the reader. "Do you have any water?"

"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there" The man pointed to a place that couldn't be seen from outside the gate. "Come on in."

"How about my friend here?" The traveler gestured to the dog.

"There should be a bowl by the pump."

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree waiting for them.

"What do you call this place?" The traveler asked.

"This is heaven," was the answer.

"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was heaven, too."

"Oh, you mean the place with the Gold Street and pearly gates? Nope.

That's **** ."

"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"

"No. I can see how you might think so, but we're just happy that they screen out the folks who'll leave their best friends behind."

Posts: 748 | From: Edmonton AB Canada | Registered: Mar 2004
DaxAriel's toy
Member
Member # 740

Member Rated:
posted July 15, 2004 08:49 PM      Profile for DaxAriel's toy         
Here's one for pittgirl:

Mean Pit Bull
A woman was leaving a 7-11 with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind.

Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash.

Behind her were 200 women walking single file.

The woman couldn't stand her curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said "I am so sorry for your loss and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this.

Whose funeral is it?"

The woman replied "Well, that first hearse is for my husband."

"What happened to him?"

The woman replied "My dog attacked and killed him."

She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"

The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her."

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two women.

"Could I borrow that dog?"

Get in line."

Posts: 748 | From: Edmonton AB Canada | Registered: Mar 2004
pittiegurl
Member
Member # 1085

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posted July 15, 2004 09:12 PM      Profile for pittiegurl   Author's Homepage         
I love that!!!!Everybody always says Pit bulls are so vicious.They really aren't.They were bred to be very social dogs.

--------------------
~pitties=love!adopt pitties don't breed 'em!~
*My Pit Bull is not just a Pit Bull!He is not just a dog either.He is a lazy couch hog!*

*~*While my dogs sleep on the couch & loveseat,I'm sleeping on the floor!*~* *:o) ~P*iT*t~ie G*u*R~l*~

Posts: 212 | From: Oklahoma | Registered: Jun 2004


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